When I Grow Up

Today is my birthday. I am 27. I'm not going to go on and on about how "old" I feel because I don't actually feel old. Mentally, I figure I feel about 22. I still act like I am 22. Just that now, I have " responsibilities." That's a husband, two kids, and a mortgage. It's supposed to be grown up time now.

The problem is, in the last few weeks I have been out in public without either of my children and after mentioning said children, the stranger I was talking to did a double-take. "YOU have a kid?" Why yes, in fact I have two. More shock. So I guess I still look young enough to not have kids, or don't look old enough, or not mature enough, or stressed enough, or something. However it is you're supposed to look when you've birthed babies and are engaged in the process of rearing them, I don't look it. And I'm pretty sure I don't act it, either. What I'm really wondering is, when will I FEEL like a grown up? Because maybe when I feel like one, I'll start acting like one. For instance, when I grow up I will:

-go to bed at a respectable, grown up time, like 9:30 or 10. I will not stay up until midnight goofing off on Facebook or watching Seinfeld episodes with Brad.

-make Gianna's lunch for school the night before, so that I'm not running around like a maniac in the morning, urging everyone to hurry UP while I sling yogurt and search for water bottles and stuff hunks of cheese into old lunch boxes.

-calmly and matter-of-factly put my hand into the garbage disposal in the sink to check for silverware instead of being totally grossed out and run the thing while hoping for the best

-learn the secrets of lifting stains from clothing using available household products in one-to-one ratios that I have diligently memorized

 -never leave a gigantic mess of dishes in the sink at night, to be handled "first thing in the morning"

-stop being perpetually late

-protect my kids from bugs and other creepy-crawlie things without squealing and wishing my own mother was present to handle the situation for me

-stop being afraid of the dark

-only eat healthy things for breakfast, like fruit and eggs, instead of birthday cheesecake

-become organized

 Hm. On second thought, being a grown up looks like a lot of hard work. Here's to being young at heart (or at least, really, really lazy)!