Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Good Wife

That would be me. Alternate title to this post: How To Break the News of A Target Run To Your Husband, Because Pregnant Ladyz Be Spendin'

First, you'll need a really nice bag. Like this one.
what will I think of next?
 Then, you'll want a cute notepad to write your love-note on. I like this stack of notes a lot...I received it as a gift from a close friend at my bachelorette party and it sure does come in handy. I like that the sayings on the cards are never cheesy....except for when they are intentionally cheesy, which is the I-am-fully-aware-this-is-cheesy cheesy and therefor cool-cheesy, not lame-cheesy.

Write a nice little specific. Not, "You are the best husband ever!" Too general to be believed. Try, "Thanks for mopping up all the water in the basement so cheerfully!"

Then, the swag. You'll want to include:

-mayonnaise for his turkey sandwiches that you forgot to buy on the last Kroger trip

-new pair of tweezers, since all the previous pairs have been lost. We only have 2 eyebrows between us, so tweezers are a critical piece of equipment that cannot be gone without

-new bag of Starbucks Whole Bean Morning Blend coffee....with a note stating there is half&half in the fridge. Just to show that while you may have given up coffee, you're still attentive to his caffeine needs.

-a note saying you completely filled up the Brita water filter in the fridge because you know it's his most hated job

Or similar items. The only thing I can think of that would have improved this list would be a package of bacon and a case of Yuengling. There's always the next Target trip, though.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Taking This Show On The Road

T-Give is nearly upon us, and we are headed back to the Lex for lots of food and family-filled days. I am hoping to spend a lot time lolling on the couch trying not to puke while my children are lovingly entertained by their relatives. Vacaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

But first, we I have to pack. It's a Herculean effort. Must remember:
-lard nevermind, smells too awful. will not be baking pies this year. will gestate instead, family will certainly accept this excuse
-glass pitcher
-G's ears + back ups+battery charger+toupee tape v. important DO NOT FORGET
-delicious gummy prenatal vitamins
-honeycrisp apples
-books. lots
-extra undies--G
-tooth brushes
-where is Dominic's fleece coat? advisability of not bringing coat? will family members call CPS? will family memebers threaten sickness on my coat-less child?
-creamy peanut butter
-pillows (lots)
-snacks for car (2 of each to minimize fighting)
-books for kids for car + tranquilizers?

Gianna is getting to the age of Very Picky Dressing and the last few times we've gone out of town it's been rough when she discovers I didn't pack such and such pair of pants and she neeeeeeds them, needs them bad, so I thought I'd ask her what she wanted me to pack. She started rattling off this crazy list, "Ummm, 5 socks, 6 underwares, my purple corduroys, the pink shirt with the birds on it, my blue jeans, my new black boots, my turquoise dress, my......" I can't remember the rest. I'm screwed. Hopefully we'll avoid drama because she'll be too blissed out by the Oreos my dad will constantly be sneaking her to care very much.

Either that, or I'll be too blissed out by the Oreos I'll be sneaking to care very much either.

I hope you all have a fab Thanksgiving, I may or may not be taking a little blog break until after we get back in town. We shall see.

Friday, November 18, 2011

7 Quick Takes

1. Today will be day 2 of no coffee. It's very sad, but it's for a good cause. I am happy that it only took me a week and half to wean off of this beverage of champions. I had a slight headache yesterday, but it was manageable. The bigger problem is loss of productivity. I am realizing for the first time that coffee made me a better person.

2. I am currently addicted to reading human survival stories. I got sucked in initially by reading Sebastian Junger's The Perfect Storm. What an incredible book. My favorite part was his discussion on the history of sailing and commercial fishing and the comment that there are houses in coastal New England where the floorboards in front of upstairs windows are literally worn out from wives pacing back and forth, watching the sea for the return of their husbands. That just....gets to me.

3. On that note, my next survival story is Alive by Piers Paul Reed, about the rugby team that crashed in the Andes mountains. So hardcore.

4. After that book, I'll be moving on to Spike Walker's Working on the Edge, where he tells the story of king crab fishing in Alaska. Oh man. I cannot wait.

5. Speaking of AK, it might be news to some of you that The Land of the Midnight Sun is the place of my birth. I lived there for 14 years and it was a blast. Where else can you have moose on your playground at school? I like the Nati, and Kentucky was v. nice, but I will always be an Alaskan at heart. It is understandable for people to take for granted the place where they grow up, but I knew every morning when I watched the sun rise over the mountains that I was privileged to witness it.

6. Tomorrow is World Toilet Day. If you have access to the miracle of indoor plumbing and good sanitation....give thanks.

7. If you were wondering if that pumpkin is still on my front porch feeding the squirrels, don't worry. It is.

for more 7 Quick Takes, check out Conversion Diary

Have a nice weekend!

Thursday, November 17, 2011


You know that joke where the one girl asks the other girl about the green streak in her hair and she goes, "It's natural," and wipes her snot-covered hand up into her hair? I love that joke.

Annnyways. Naturally, the best place to store a half-eaten cream cheese toddler bagel is on top of the trash can.

I know you're wondering if I let him keep eating this atrocity after it's run-in with the trash, and so I'll tell you. Yep. I did. And I didn't even try to convince him to re-locate his food. I let him continue to put it on the trash.
Naturally, the best place for dry-aged shredded cheddar is inside the drawer of the train table

 And naturally, we'll continue to use this travel mug even after it has been chucked onto the tile floor by the toddler one too many times.
I get it all the time. People ask me "How do you do it?" and I always like to say, while my house is trashed and the kids are running amok and I still haven't showered, "It's natural."

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Stupid Ways to Multitask

Busy moms need to master the skill of accomplishing many things at once in order to increase punctuality, perfect parenting, meal planning, and yeah. We won't be talking about any of that today. I know you're shocked, but this isn't really that kind of blog. This is real life. But not to worry. I have something even better than actual ways to multitask: Stupid ways to multitask, but still make it look like you are multitasking. Shall we?

Getting dressed and eating breakfast simultaneously. The chances for catastrophic spills are high, and it's really not any faster. It's probably slower. But, it tricks the hubs into thinking you are really putting in an effort to get out the door on time. You aren't just sitting around on your duff eating, you are getting. dressed.

Talking on the phone and trying to check your email. The combination of sounding like a space cadet and less-than-prolific emails will result in the loss of friendships, respect...and lots of other things.

Reading a book while cooking....pretty much anything. Tell me, what is the reason I feel I need to read and cook at the same time? What is this actually accomplishing? Except burned food.

While we are talking about trying to read and do other things productive, reading and laundry folding does not work. I love to read but I think folding laundry is borrrrrrrring, so I try, time and again, to spice things up. Holding a book severely hinders my folding abilities, which are already poor.

And my most favorite, stupid, way to multitask: The brush teeth and walk around like I am accomplishing other things. But I'm not. Because one hand is brushing my teeth and I am furiously trying to avoid sloshing tooth paste drool everywhere but wow. It just seems so incredibly efficient and multitask-y.

I am so good at fake multitasking that I was multitasking even as I was writing this post. I was eating ice cream.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Up from the Dregs

Well, well, well. Pregnant blogging is a lot harder than un-pregnant blogging was. Between the tiredness factor, the feeling a bit icky factor, and the the weaning off coffee factor, productivity levels have reached new lows. This is a good summary of where we're at

I finally tossed out most of the remaining candy, because I was the only one eating it and I certainly don't need that right now. So we're left with a chewed-on jack-o-lantern, mountains of laundry, piles of forgotten school paperwork, and zero Christmas preparedness. I'm thinking of adding to our family tradition; we'll keep the jack-o-lantern, regardless of its state of decomposition, on the front porch until Advent. Eh? You like that? Every time I see that masticated pumpkin it reminds me that bigger stuff is coming. Christmas. I'm not ready.

 The quick high of Halloween and subsequent dousing of saccharine commercial Christmas followed by the gluttony of Thanksgiving is enough to make actual Christmas and the end of the year anti-climatic and energy-draining. It's easy to get caught up in the rush only to arrive at January 1 feeling limp.

The Church, in her infinite wisdom, knows this. That's why there's Advent. A time to pull back and simplify and ready the soul to celebrate the coming of the Messiah. A time to strip everything down to it's most basic and to spend the time joyfully waiting.

Our whopping five-year old family tradition is not to decorate for Christmas, tree and all, until Christmas Eve, other than putting lights on outside the house at the start of Advent, and this year I need this spartan reminder even more. There somehow seems to be a lot more crazy in my life and I need to prepare to prepare for Christmas.

Luckily, I've got one more week before Advent begins, and I'm going to try to get it together. Probably I will still end up doing things at the last minute, and probably I will still end up with half-completed projects and probably I will forget (again) to do anything special for St. Nicholas's feast day but at least....I'm thinking about it. Whatever sort of alms giving or volunteer service we end up rendering will probably frighten whoever we try to help out, but we'll have tried, and our kids will have seen us giving of ourselves to others outside our family, and that is important.

The rotted pumpkin on my front porch will soon be replaced by hopeful, twinkling white lights, and our holiday might not probably won't look like Pottery Barn or function smoothly, but that would be boring. A little strife and sacrifice is good for the soul to remind us what we are really waiting for, to remind us to get ready, really ready, for Him.

Monday, November 7, 2011


This is what happens when your econ-major of a husband goes to the grocery store.

That's twenty (2-0) half-gallons of ice cream for a total of ten gallons. He insists on a break-even analysis based on the normal cost of this ice cream ($5.99) and the fact of it's "purchase 10 for $2.79" sales pitch, which means buying 20, to save us money on Dairy Queen costs because a half-gallon of on-sale Breyers Natural is cheaper than two large Blizzards.

Maybe. I suspect that Brad had a premonition that we'd be needing some extra ice cream around here...and he was right, considering we are now expecting the arrival of baby number three (!!!) some time in late July, and it takes me an appreciable amount of ice cream to grow a baby. 10 gallons should do it...then again, maybe I should send him back while it's all still on sale........

Friday, November 4, 2011

7 Quick Takes: Awesome Is as Awesome Does

1. Do you need to feel like a better mother? Let me help you out. Yep there's the Dom, no shoes, no pants. Front yard. Chilly day.

he is, at least, wearing socks. And a purple diaper
2. Such horrible blog neglect this week, lo siento. I am participating in National Write a Novel in A Month Month and I wish I could say I've just been pounding out the pages instead of working on this blog but that would not be The Truth. The Truth is that.....I've been eating lots of Halloween candy and managing to stay busy without actually accomplishing anything. If that's not talent, I don't know what is.

3. I ask my Guardian Angel to do really stupid things for me, and you can, too. Usually my main request (read: BEG) is that he just sit next to my sleeping children and butt-pat them so that *I* don't have to keep butt-patting them. I choose to believe they would sleep even WORSE ("worse" is defined as anything other than the American Ideal of All Night at 6 Week)  if I didn't ask my G.A to hook me up. I figure, other people's Guardian Angels delivered their mail, shielded their eyes from bad things, and plowed fields so they could go to Mass...surely butt-patting my lovely children is right up there in importance.

4. Speaking of children and sleep, last night I went to a prayer/reading group and Brad was working overtime, so one of my friend's husband's graciously offered to bring their kids here and have a little mini slumber party while his wife and I went to the group. The endevour resulted in major cuteness, and I am indebted to my non-train-gluing pals.

 5. I think I am going to shower today. I think I can, I think I can....

6. TONIGHT is a big night. Brad arranged for me to have a sleepover party with some friends and NO KIDS. I've not been without my kids since Gianna was born. I'm pretty excited, and I know my crew is pumped for more slumber party action. The vacays are coming fast and furious around here. Good things come to those who wait.

7. I don't know. Babies. Snuggle 'em if you've got 'em.

ETA See more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary! Happy weekending :)