Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Career Choices

I feel like I could really do something with my life. Especially if I had the power to be any.thing.I.want.

I'd like to be the coach of winning sports team. Preferably something intense, like hockey or basketball. I'd like to be the kind of coach who fires off lots of pithy life lessons and whose mannerisms are full of bizarre quirks. I'd want my athletes to tell crazy stories about me long after they stopped being my athletes.

I'd like to be the wife of a diplomatic attaché to a foreign embassy. Think of it; lots of fancy parties, no serious responsibilities. And probably a nanny? I would need a nanny.

I'd like to be a nosetackle on an NFL football team. Ohmygosh permission to be huge and take people out all day long. I could do that.

I'd like to be a guest star on a Law & Order episode. Particularly if I can lose it on the witness stand. Or maybe cause lots of disruptions from the gallery. Definitely need to be in some sort of interrogation scene, too. 

I'd like to be a book critic. I would sit in Starbucks all day, just me, a paperback, some technology (a smart phone?) and some self-importance. And a latte.

Good thing I'm a stay at home madre. I frequently have the opportunity to rattle of some life lessons whilst making crazy memories the kids can relate long after I'm gone. When I'm pregnant, I get to be huge and any violent behavior can be neatly chalked up to hormones. I drink coffee all day long so I can be there when my kids need me to watch them (over the top of my over-due library book) "do gymnastics" on their play set in the backyard. Children provide lots of reasons to have parties (birthdays, Baptisms, etc) though they also bring responsibilities of a serious sort. Maybe I am fulfilling my deepest desires after all, and I don't really need a nanny. Okay, maybe I'd still like the nanny.


  1. You could come be my nanny. It would provide all the above situations, with the added bonus of chickens.

    Chickens! Think about it.

  2. too funny Anne...too true...!

  3. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease come and be my friend!*

    *she demands in a totally non-stalkery way

  4. too cute and so true.

    may the Good Lord bless you in all the perks of your career choice.