Friday, September 16, 2011

Hot Friday Night

So. There's been some blog neglect. It's been a bit busy around here lately. Actually, it's been normal, except that recently, every time I park my bad self in front of the computer I get this guy

invading my space, requesting, "GORILLAS!!! GORILLAS!!!!!!!!!" Because he has a YouTube addiction. An addiction that I enable while I desperately try to check some email, or search for very important items on Amazon. I try to give him MAWKKKK but he demurs. He wants gorillas, and he wants them now.

But this is all beside the point. I am having a hot Friday night. Right now. Brad is away at a manly gathering complete with meat, beer, and fire, where he is discussing how to husband and father better. The kids are sleeping (thank you Lord) and I am on Martha Stewart's website, learning how to housewife better.

Discoveries thus far:

1. You should keep a season's worth of toilet paper in your guest bathroom, lest any guest suffer the indignity of asking for more toilet paper. What is a season's worth of toilet paper? What does that mean? Is it really that awkward to ask for toilet paper? Are we supposed to allow our guests to pretend that they don't use the potty?

2. Apparently, "a properly folded towel has a neat, fluffy appearance and hidden edges." Aight. I can do that. Not that it will matter after I shove it into the miniscule linen closet. Ah. Wait. More instructions: "Keep sets of guest towels together, bound with twill tape or ribbon. When visitors arrive, just transfer a stack from linen closet to guest bedroom." Noted.

3. Martha's admonition to trim my shower curtain leaves me feeling rather inadequate. I have yet to trim Gianna's curtains, curtains that require no sewing but instead utilize an iron....oh. That's my problem. Need to dust that sucker off.

4. I've been wondering what to do with my spare time, and now I know: I should be transferring all of our shampoos, body washes, conditioners, etc into uniform plastic containers because they "not only look better than the usual shampoo and soap containers, but they also fit more neatly in storage devices." I should apparently laminate the labels so everyone knows what they are. Yea. Right on it.

5. In general, if the how-to section is peppered with the words "just" and "simply" it is guaranteed to be anything but simple and is likely to mention re-using odd, uncommon items you've never heard of and is guaranteed to make feel like you live in a cave if you do not have these items laying about.

I'm thinking with all these new skills I've just gained my parents should have upped my bride price. Who knew I was going to be such an excellent domestic goddess?


  1. Next weekend I'll expect my guest towels fluffed and bound by a ribbon colored to match my personality, so get on it. Also, do you know where your iron is? Or should I bring mine so we can tackle the curtains? :)

  2. i was being slightly facetious about the iron. just needs a little dust-off...

  3. lol! That was awesome..ahhh just realized how high my standards need to be set now. :)